Gone too long

I've been gone too long!!! There have been so many things on my mind, so many things to talk about!  I'm not sure where to start, but here goes.

In eleven days I will be thirty which has left me feeling very sentimental and extremely unfulfilled.  I am starting to see just how much family and friends mean and how much they complete my life and make life livable.  I also  feel my infamous biological clock ticking as well as an old maid vibe.  Though I'm not ashamed to admit these things, I am proud to say that this isn't the only thing that consumes my thoughts.  I want to make a difference in someone's life since I don't have any children of my own (physically).  I signed up for a mentoring program and I learned something very disturbing.  People that are interested in mentoring are not interested in teenagers as mentees.  My heart broke for those young people signed up with the mentoring agencies who need guidance from a young professional like myself.  The last thing they need is to be rejected after already not having proper guidance and positive influence.  I hate that people think that teenagers are "unreachable" and are already set in their ways.  I love adolescent girls, they have so much potential and they're old enough to learn the first time cause they already know right from wrong.  The 15 year old I was matched with can be well on her way to great things with the right guidance.  I hope to be that for her.  That makes me happy and leaves me with a feeling that I can make a difference in the world.  Now turning thirty isn't so scary.

I'm looking forward to starting my business (the infamous phrase lol).  I feel better about saying that this time than the others (147 times to be exact, just kidding).  That's because I have taken pretty much all the steps to start my business except buying furniture.  I hate that there are so many stylists in Memphis and I can't find ONE quality stylist.  Ugh!  Without that I don't know which way to go.  Start my business without a stylist, go for it myself, find one later and pay for two licenses?  Or wait on the perfect stylist, apply for one license and start the way I want to.  Who knows, but I think I like the latter.  I hate wasting money unnecessarily, and the first one sounds like it to me.  My logo is done, I'm legally a business, and I have my business plan already done up.  Now the only thing I'm missing is a stylist to put my plan into motion.  I CAN'T WAIT!

I won't speak of the popular "love" topic, only because if the" devil" (don't really believe in that) knew what was going on, it would only try to ruin it.  So, I'm happy (most of the time), I'm at peace and looking toward the future.  Though I will say this, people now days SUCK!  I can't believe people carry themselves like they do.  Women chasing after men, men allowing women to take care of them.  Women are more hood and masculine than the men now and they think it's cute.  Men think it's okay to sleep with any and everybody while being married and having babies outside their marriage.  And all the while, these women are accepting this from their "men" and staying with them like nothing ever happened.  People marrying for money or obligation, not love and having children in the midst of all of this.  I feel sorry for the kids cause their parents were too stupid to make a decision to not bring innocent babies into their mess.  Whoo! I have so much to talk about and not enough time.  I guess I'll break this for the night and continue this tomorrow because I feel myself about to start rambling.

Exceptionally yours...

Perplexing Situations

"Love is like a river, always changing, but always finding you again somewhere down the road." Kelly Elaine

This quote is very relevant somewhere in the world.  My question would be, what happens when it finds you and has changed so much that its too complicated to survive?  When love meets reality, how do you keep it from perishing?  Love is the most beautiful, yet elusive emotion of my life.  I will be thirty in the coming months and have yet to be in a relationship where me and whoever are in love at the same time.  This seems to be the "good women anthem" now days.  I find that all the sane, successful, beautiful women are always the ones who are left alone until the man realizes that she was the one he should have been with all along.  Unfortunately, by the time he realizes it, he's either started so much of a life with the wrong chick, his love for the right one has to wait until "things get straightened out" or there's been so much heartache from the breakup that there's no way renounce his actions.  Now don't think this is me on the defense and man bashing, I'm just wondering about the universe's methods on dividing and distributing this insanely scarce, yet life altering thing called "love."  I love the Stevie Wonder song "Love's in Need", cause we definitely need it in today's relationships.

It's crazy how life tests your love for your companion or would-be companion.  I can't believe how real life gets when you find that undeniably authentic, nakedly devoted LOVE...... You automatically know when you have found the love of your life when the worst situations come your way.  It is so fascinating what life throws at you to test your endurance and commitment to the love you have for that special someone.  I am learning that it isn't easy to stay in love through difficult situations and I envy all married couples that have made it through so many trials and tribulations.  God is such an important part of relationships and decisions and it is so important that we consult Him in times of doubt and before the times come that we just want to walk away from our situation, because either way that real love is there and will return no matter how many times we refuse it, we just have to find a way to get through the hard times.

Love is such an innate feature in humans, I just can't imagine how people swear it off so vehemently.  I will never stop longing for the day that my love for whoever, and vice versa, is made known to the world.  As jaded as I get after a breakup, the feeling is still always there and the journey continues.


Exceptionally Yours....

It only takes one to love

I was driving down Poplar Ave. today and started thinking about these heavy set women I saw at Cacique-Lane Bryant's intimates store-earlier today.  Well, they were very unkempt and looked as if they dressed themselves haphazardly.  Now I'm not afraid to say that I am every bit of 226 lbs, a little embarrassed, but not afraid.  I could not imagine being unhappy with my weight enough to stop dressing like I am apart of a civilized society.  I love color, clothes, SHOES, a lot of accessories, SHOES, makeup, and if I haven't mentioned it, SHOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have an over abundance of all of these things and they make me very happy.  Now that's not to say I can't be happy without them, but when I have a passion for something and I am allowed to be surrounded by it, I am completely happy.  Which raises the question: Would you think the person that looks very sloppy doesn't love themselves, or the person who has is all together from head to toe?

My mother always fusses about the way I dress and the fact that I HAVE to have all of these material things because I don't love myself.  I am a firm believer in self love, and I think if you're not careful you can mistake love and happiness for a content owner of "stuff".  I used to be this person, a long time ago.  It all started in high school when I didn't have the clothes everyone else had and I never learned to be happy with what I have and be comfortable with me with or without the material things.  The funny part of it now is that I had Neiman Marcus outfits in my closet that cost more than a whole weeks worth of their clothes, but because I didn't look like them, it didn't matter.  I regret I ever thought I had to be like anyone to be accepted.  I find myself doing everything BUT what everyone else is doing and I love every minute of it.  It took me a while to learn that I didn't need things to make me happy.  I spent a lot of time trying to make sure I never looked anything less than spectacular everyday, that is, until I couldn't.  I was in school and couldn't work full-time and I couldn't shop, I was in a very bad place.  It lead me to acceptance of ME and I learned to be happy with who I was and then with who I wasn't.  I never realized the importance of knowing and loving the person you aren't as well as who you are.  I am not a millionaire, I am not a wife, I am not a morning person (I accepted this a long time ago LOL!!).  Not being these things means I have something to look forward to in life.  I am not a cheater, I am not a liar, I am not a backstabber.  Not being these things means I have integrity.  I could go on, but I'm sure you get the point.

I have come a mighty long way in terms of self love and self respect.  I don't feel I need a man to complete me or validate me as a person.  I don't allow people to disrespect me because I feel I don't deserve it.  At the same time, I don't feel I need anyone's respect in order for me to respect myself.  I preach to any young lady I come in contact with about self love and self respect.  With both of those, you can never go wrong.  You will never have to worry about others if you just focus on self. Nobody can take care of you better than you (C.Y.O.A. cover your own a**).

Exceptionally Yours........

My Color Today

I always tell people that I live and breathe color.  Everything is related to some color in my life.  Today my color is ORANGE.  Now, there are three primary colors and three secondary colors.  Secondary colors are made up of two primary colors.  I picked this color because of the two colors that make orange, RED and YELLOW.  Red, because of the passion that I have for a certain part of my life, and yellow because of the bright feeling I have because of it.
As little girls we dream of our "prince charming" or "knight in shining armor", but as we grow into women and suffer our first heartbreak, that story seems to get a little more unrealistic as time goes on.  Somehow, what the writers of those fairy tales left out was that you have to kiss waaaaayyy more frogs than they let on.  Love is a very beautiful thing, it's one thing, other than success, that I will never stop striving for.  With all of the divorces, bad relationships and "business partners/marriages" now days, real love has taken the back seat to greed.  There is nothing more disrespectful to God than to deny another human being what He has given you all your life.  It is such an amazing feeling to love and be loved.  I will never understand how people can live life with someone they are not in love with.  I have got to absolutely spend the rest of my life loving to my whole life's potential.  And this is where my fantasy world starts.  I am aware of the reality of the world, but when I get into my RED feeling, there is nothing else, that person that makes everything around obsolete.  The passion and enthusiasm that comes with love is something I could never do without.  Even after the one heartbreak that changed my whole perspective on life last year, there is no way that pain outlasts the joy of love.
I have always been told, prayer changes things, and I have always believed in that, but there's gonna be one situation that tests your faith.  Breaking down and losing your faith is is not an option.  And just before you give up, your dreams start to come true.  After the storm leaves, the sun has to shine!!!  Which brings me to the YELLOW!!!  There is nothing like going through something bad to make you appreciate the good things in life.  I won't lie and say I'm always optimistic, but I have faith to some degree and that is all I need.

My purpose, my motivation

As I work on my business marketing, I can't help but think of my motivation for my life, my son.  I miss him still today as if he just left yesterday.  I remember not long after he passed I found my passion for life, as if I were sleep or in a coma everyday before then.  He was my perfect little miracle, a beautiful surprise, and I thank God still for sending him to me, to the world.  It still amazes me that God blessed me to bring his greatest gift to man into this world, LIFE. I pray one day I will be blessed once more, but the right way this time.  I have hit the ground running ever since I got the wake up call 9 years ago, although I have made my share of mistakes still, that's just life.  I look at pictures of my son periodically and at that moment, I know anything is possible and I push through life with every ounce of determination I have in me.

As I attempt to give birth to this new "baby", my nail salon (praying that it actually does open this year), I have rough spots and I have had many road blocks along the way, but when I think of what I've been through already, and take a glance at that perfect face in those pictures, I know there is nothing that can stop me, it can only slow down progress for a more perfect ending. I get discouraged at times because of the many "potential opening dates" that has come and gone and nothing has materialized, but with all of the set backs, all of the "no's", the people and things that would have been toxic to my business have revealed themselves to me and I couldn't be happier. So if this thing takes til the end of the year, so be it!!!!! I will know when those doors open, THIS is right and I am in a good place.

I looked at that perfect face in that picture again and you know what....... ANYTHING IS STILL POSSIBLE!!!! Who or what is your motivation?

My first BLOG!!!!!!

I've always wondered why people just go on the internet and talk about random celebrities, themselves or just life in general.  That's before I had so much to say about EVERYTHING!  Walking down the street (not that often), at the gym, shopping, on the internet, at the grocery store, there is so much to talk about.  I've been like that all my life, talking about everything, ALL THE TIME. I'm just glad it makes more sense and has become more relevant to life than just empty words lol!
There's this amazing person I went to school with that has a blog and she writes amazing things, I love to read her blog.  Then it occurred to me, I should do this!  I love words and the millions of things you can do with them.  Writing was my first form of art.  It is therapeutic, and fun all at the same time.  Although, if you stop, you get a little rusty.  Well, here's my quest to get that rust off and come back to my first love.